Wednesday, November 25, 2009


We had never met , never known

A stranger to me, yet felt like my own..

Closer than a sister and more accepting than a friend..

Yet we are neither..nor sisters nor friends

Happy being strangers coz we are surnames, no marital status, no baggages..

The only time when we are ourselves and live and talk about I..

The I we forget as soon as we wake up and think about only when we are about to lie..

Dont ask me her name,her age, her marital status..

Strangers we want to be coz we want to be with the I..

Winter Rain

I lean out of the window to feel the water droplets on my face..Not just the rain but the cold winter breeze covers my face.. shiver a little and giggle a lot more..and clutch my tea cup a little tighter..holding on to the warm feeling on the cold winter morning..
A hand taps me on my shoulder handing me my plate of steaming aloo chaat and giggling while making her winter smoke ringlets.. Quickly popping one in my mouth I stick my face out of the window again closing my eyes and stretching my hand out... I hit a glass wall...the water droplets covering the glass but refusing to touch me.. A hand taps on my shoulder and hands me a copy of my next presentation... and without a smile she walks into the cabin... not stopped to look out..
I turn around and see two smiling faces standing there sticking their faces out and clutching their cups tighter.. Their smiles, the giggles, the smoke ringlets and the tea called in for the review.. I walk into the closed cabin trying to concentrate on the figures on the mind straying back to the two faces behind the wall.. the ones I can see but not touch..till I break the glass wall that separates us..

Tuesday, September 15, 2009


I sit with you in the same room, reading the newspaper silently..waiting for you to talk to me..
I walk with you in a crowded market...rubbing my hands against yours..waiting for you to hold mine
I lean closer to you when all alone..waiting for you to hug me and kiss me more..
I lie next to you,as close as I can..waiting for you to hold me tight...
Wait!, you say and I stop in a second..waiting you would do the same..
I tell you same things, a number of times...waiting for you to listen in..
I wait each day, I wait each night..
I wait to meet the one I loved who always held me tight..
I wait to hear her talk,to see her smile to listen to me without blinking an eye...
Where did you lose my loved one.. why did you leave her behind..
leaving us like strangers struggling to meet our minds..

Sunday, August 30, 2009

All world is a stage

All world is a stage said Shakespeare..Little did I know, he spoke about mine..
So many roles I play that I wish to play Me someday..
Sister, daughter, friend they call me but never in my own skin can I be..
Alls well as long as am with them..coz i know who Iam in relation to them..
In the midst of the night when am all alone, feels like being with a stranger than the soul..
Who am I? I ask the soul.. sister, daughter, friend, girlfriend and many more..
As i remove my make up I look at the stranger.. I will have time for you tomm... I promise with my voice weaker..
One more page has turned in the play of my life with many more lying ahead..
waiting with some new roles as and when the writer said..
Wonder when will I spend a day without any role..just the stranger and me on a stroll..
with whom the world will not be a stage and i just play ME for a change...

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

The ultimate city..

As soon as I landed the cool breeze hit my face leaving a smile..After a long stay in hot cities where rains only add to chaos than give respite, this city was a welcome change.. I had landed in Mumbai..
Before a Mumbaite starts celebrating this post is surely not about Mumbai.. but my sense of the city..
All my life I was on the other side of the eternal Mumbai-Delhi war..boasting about wide roads in Delhi, the space and how the city does not stink..My first visit to Mumbai was horrible..the city stank, it was humid and crowded and could hardly walk an inch without stepping/bumping someone..but with each subsequent visit..i started liking the city..and with this visit i loved it.. The small shops, the boys getting ready for the dahi handi festival, the local colony friends playing carom at night, the parlour lady talking in typical mumbaiya hindi..i loved it all..but above all i liked the city for its acceptance..
And thats when i realized why people despite struggling to make a living in the city, love it..coz the city is accepting of u...
And as a friend very correctly said "Acceptance is the main thing we all strive for"
It is this hunger for acceptance that drives us all to do what we do.. It forces us to lie, to pretend, to be someone else, to not be happy being who we are, to kill our own wishes, to live for others..
and a city that accepts us provides all that one can ask for-love,warmth,security,happiness,.. and thats the ultimate city.. 'the spirit of mumbai' does not lie in its local trains but in its greater level of acceptance...

Friday, July 24, 2009

at the signal..

I was standing at the signal waiting for the signal to turn red.. listening to the usual RJ chatter.. And as usual there were these beggars cum salespeople who beg and sell their product at signals.. There were these kids along with an older lady trying to sell bouquet with all dead flowers and begging you to by them.. One boy passed my car and I just happened to look at the flowers drying.. noticing me paying some attention he stopped at my car and starting gesturing me to buy it and begging..
I did what I usually do, ignored and looked away to the empty passenger seat and looked busy.. After a few seconds I could still see a shadow on my car window. The boy was standing there mesmerized looking inside the car..
I quickly locked my car from inside unsure of what he may do.. but then noticed something... The boy had placed his mouth on the glass and was trying to beg.. that had created a small patch of frost.. He looked at it all mesmerized and started drawing something..As soon as it dried he blew on the glass again and drew some more.. oblivious of my presence and of his purpose on that street.. He was living the moment.. Enjoying every bit of the lines he drew, the figures that came alive and with each new figure his smile grew bigger...
I kept looking at him drawing more and more on my car window deeply engrossed in his masterpiece..which were nothing but some lines..maybe trying to draw an alphabet or a figure..
What he wanted to make was not important but how passionately he wanted to make it was..
The signal turned green and i looked up to see traffic moving.. I turned to the window instantly but the boy had disappeared..into the darkness..back to begging..
And i was left wondering...
There he was, a boy in rags, begging, illiterate yet fascinated by such a trivial thing.. He would be struggling everyday to make a living, to fight the older boys and make something extra so that is spared the rod that night.. Yet in all the greater troubles that life has subjected him to..he did not leave his childlike fascination... the joy of making something.. of living the moment..
And here I was living in luxury, making a lifestyle statement yet so far away from the child like fascination which is so easy to nurture, develop and build on for someone like me yet so far away a thought.. the price you pay for being educated!!!

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

and there you go again...

"And so I decided not to tell them and do my own thing and probably come back and tell them later.." And so I went on and on about my day and tussle with my team. I stopped in between and said "U there?" "Aggrrhhh" He burped loudly!!! I was so annoyed "thanks for the reaction!!" He laughed and said " No dear..i always burp when am talking to you.." "That doesnt make things any better" I said.. "Think of it this way.. you are the antacid in my acidity filled life"..He said in a soft charming voice..My angry red cheeks turned into blushing red cheeks.
And with that I imagined myself wrapped in a pink/yellow packet walking around like digene.. and some pharmaceutical company makes me their brand ambassador and calls their anatacid 'Lochan' and the tagline..."She is the antacid in your acidity filled life".. Every where I go people will take my autograph. All people (men and women alike) would love to associate with me as I acted as their antacid. I will give regular interviews on various health related chat shows about how I have this innate quality of getting rid of acidity..I will have my own fan following with people writing me fan mails..I will have my face on a huge billboard on one of the Dhaula Kuan flyovers with the tagline "Mujhse dosti karo, acidity door bhagao"
My imagination had no bound and I already had a distant look with a smile on my face.. "Agggrrhhh" He burped again interrupting my trail of thought..Thats when I realised that I need to get him a check up from the doctor and stop his burping.. coz I got distracted while counting all the money I I would need to start all over again!!! "Agrrrrhhh"

Saturday, June 20, 2009

Dear Diary...

Dear Diary...
It was a beautiful evening..light breeze making me sway with it.. Just wanted to start dancing in that weather and was hoping that can catch some rain drops on my hands..I was sitting at my usual place and enjoying the nice weather after a long day of scorching sun..And then I saw him, the most amazing creation of God..He walked upto me and sat beside me. He did not notice I was sitting there and continued talking on the phone..I guess to his girlfriend. I looked at him and was awed.. God had taken some time and made a creature like him..He had beautiful eyes, was smart and intelligent and by reading his company tag got to know he is a scientist.. and whatever I know of them, they create something..and guess whatever they create is meant to make the world more beautiful..
Just as I was admiring him,he said bye to his girlfriend,put his phone in his pocket and snubbed his cigarette on my leg, got up and walked off..I was awestruck.. But unfortunately I should say I have gotten used to it with atleast 10-15 people snubbing their cigarettes on my leg and walking off..
All are God's greatest creation to make this world more beautiful but alas...

Tag : Plant 201, Infinity Towers, Gurgaon

Sunday, May 24, 2009

Till death do us apart...

I slowly climb into the bed crying myself to sleep..only to wake up the next morning startled to find the bed empty..
I pick up the phone and dial your number but noone answers the call..
I get ready and have breakfast with a plate kept for you..Hoping you will return soon...

I pulled myself up from the table and tore myself apart from these feelings, shutting my eyes to every thing that reminded me of you.
With each passing day, I got less startled when i couldnt feel your body next to mine on the bed ..with each passing call i got less worried that i cant hear your voice, with each passing week i accepted that i wont see your smiling face at the table..With each passing month, I cried lesser when i climbed into the bed. With each passing year i mentioned you lesser in my talks..
With each passing decade, you became another picture on the wall..
I dont miss you in bed, i cant recall what your voice sounded like, i have to look at your picture to remind me what you looked like..
You always used to say.. Till death do us apart..I never believed you till death really did us apart..

Identity of life

What is life? People have asked me this and I have asked this question to people and myself a million times. All of us turn to something and say "Thats not life" or say "thats life". We dont like our jobs so say "Thats not life". We travel by bus in the scorching heat and look at the person in the air conditioned car crossing us and say "Thats life!" But what is life?Do we understand it?
I have read many sayings and forwards talking about what life is and is not etc. But that does not define life and give it an identity.It only tells you all that life comprises of. So why cant we define life?
Because unfortunately the entire irony of life is that you understand its meaning when you see death.. We all live life every moment, every single day and seem to have understood one more day of life not because we lived one more day of life but because we are one more day closer to death. It is the presence of black that makes white what it is. It is the realisation of darkness that makes sunlight what it is. In the absence of one, the other is incomplete. In the absence of death there is no meaning of life. Thus life itself derives its identity from death. It is the absence of death that creates life and not vice versa. Thus we got to understand death to understand life!!

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Sacrifice a simple word..Its two hearts living in two separate worlds..
Is there something called sacrifice?Why is it considered as a great thing.Dont we all get some form of satisfaction by doing a sacrifice.Then how we can call it beyond self. Is it not the desire to look and feel benevolent which desires us to sacrifice.Is it not the want of a better feeling about ourselves that makes us want to sacrifice.Is it not the desire for acknowledgement that helps us sacrifice.
A tree doesnt sacrifice its flowers to give fragrance to the world, its a natural process. When there is no sacrifice in nature, how can we be beyond nature and have a feeling of sacrifice without getting anything out of it??

Whose Life is it anyway?

Whose life is it anyway
Hve you ever wondered why elderly people are cynical and generally reflective in life and always have a piece of advice for the young generation. Yes it is because they have lot of time in hand but its also because they hope that the next generation doesnt do the same mistakes as they did. Yet, somehow history repeats itself. Lets say for instance in the case of marriage.
They say marriages are made in heaven but not in India.They were made at other people's weddings, in temples, kitty parties and mostly family function and off late on marriage websites. But whatever the mode of marriage be, the fundamental concept of marriage in India doesn't change- "We choose the person you would get married to!!"
I have heard so many ladies and even men boasting as to how they have raised their kids with lot of freedom. Their kids can go out late at night partying,the son can pursue hotel management and daughter can do MBA which never used to happen in their zamana. But one place where they are not given and should not be given freedom to decide is their own wedding.
Majority of men and women in our country are not happy in their marriage which is why you rarely see an elderly couple having a lengthy or sweet conversation. They are so sick and tired of each other that they would rather be with other toothless,hairless,eyesightless men than be with their wives!
But despite this it is the same set of people who will scream,shout cry,raise hell if you bring home a person of your choice and where you know that you would be happy with him/her for the rest of your life. Why? Dont ask me I really dont know. Maybe its jealousy or maybe that they are so moulded by the way things are done that they dont want to look at another alternative to life.
They eventually create so much chaos that you end up giving in and get married to a person of their choice than go through the screaming and shouting everyday. You are convinced that you will eventually be happy and that things will fall in place. But when they dont they dont give you your money back .
I wish marriages came with a guarantee card. If it breaks within the guarantee period you return the spouse and get another one.Or if not atleast should be insured that if it doesnt work, you can claim an amount from all those who got you into it in the first place.
I have seen and am still seeing the whole marriage frenzy around me and been forced to think about it without a choice coz I have been bombarded with it from left right and center and I have come to the conclusion that all Indian parents may differ in all other aspects of life but think alike when it comes to marriages. They still look at it as one milestone in their life which they need to get over with as soon as possible and ensure all stakeholders in the project are happy. But like a lot of other Indian projects forget to take voice of the customer before launching the project.
As a friend of mine once said " The two people who are the least important in a wedding are the bride and the groom". Be it to decide the menu or even the person to get married to, they are too young to decide.
Our parents go through the same thing everyday but tend to forget that marriages are not between two families but between two people. No one knows what happens between the couple once the bedroom door closes. No one knows that one would rather read a boring book than talk to the spouse.It is always about making a good impression and as long as you do that in front of your extended family your parents are happy.And that is the ultimate purpose of your life to make your parents happy!
History doesnt repeat itself because life doesnt have more things to offer but because our parents mould us into the same kind of life they have lived or are comfortable with and because we are not too strong enough to take our lives into our hands and for once decide to put an end to this.
Life will not come a full circle and maybe just continue to be a cluster of dots if we decide to take this life in our hands because afterall Whose life is it anyway?

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Lok Sabha Election 2009- Whose victory is it?

Iam not much of a regular news follower or an avid newspaper reader but have been glued to the news (even on radio when driving) entire of last week to know about the simple and basic principle of Indian Democracy-Elections.
Every news channel and every newspaper tried to predict and conducted exit polls and came out with their tally and said 'we will have a hung parliament,congress may win but not get support etc'. Once the results were declared,they said Congress has won and BJP lost and Left is not left with anything.
Everyone said the victory of Congress is because of party chief Sonia Gandhi,some said it is because of young leaders like Rahul Gandhi, some said it is the clean image of Dr. Singh and all the analysts had their viewpoint.
But I dont agree that this elections is a victory of Congress or loss of BJP. This election is a victory of 3 sets of people
1) The Election Commision: We had elections in 543 seats and except for some stray cases in West Bengal and Assam,there was peaceful elections everywhere with no instances of booth capturing,rigging,bribing voters or violence. Hats off to the EC for ensuring there is ample security and law & order maintained for this elections to be conducted in a free and fair manner.
Everyone criticised the Home Minister and said we cant provide security to IPL players and thus cannot protect our country but it was a sensible decision to say that my country needs free and fair election and I need to ensure that every citizen who comes out to vote is protected against both external as well as internal terrorists.
Besides providing a peaceful election this time, the EC also came out with a number of awareness campaigns and programmes asking each and every person to come out and vote.Every nook and corner of the city had billboards and posters urging people to vote and vote wisely.
2) Media: Media played a predominant role in increasing the number of new voters. Regular advertisements on TV and radio and newspaper urging people to vote. Some media persons took it on themselves to teach people some lesson who dont vote and started creating situations which emabarassed the non voters.
The media also provided information on clause 49(O). It is a different issue that people were not able to exsercise it due to executional flaws but people are aware that such a provision exists in our country and have tried to exercise it.
I would also like to include the online forums in the section of media who have definitely created a stir amongst the youth to come out and vote.Iam waiting for the election commision's detailed report and analysis of demographics of voters but am pretty sure that that 90% of the new voters are people in the age group of 18-30 who have come out and voted for the first time. It is these voters who have given that extra edge to Congress. Why congress? Currently among the youth, the entire argument is that they want to see younger faces and younger politcians and no other party has any young politician other than the Congress and thus the natural vote for Congress.
The ad campaigns had brought elections to coffee break,team meetings and kitty party discussions and turned a lot of 'I dont believe in voting' people to 'I will ensure that I get voter's card and vote next time'. That is the true sign of democracy
3)The Sardar journalist who threw the shoe: This elections might not be a direct victory for him since it supported a party that had not helped his community but it is a victory to the common man who could with his shoe get a party to change their candidate. Many of us had and have felt that we would have voted had there been a better candidate but done nothing about it. But this incident is surely a sign that people want change and will protest and demand a better candidate from their parties and the political parties will have no choice but to oblige. This election is a true victory to all those people who like the Sardarji wanted to throw a shoe or stone at a politician but were afraid to do so and thus instead of protesting withdrew and stopped voting.
The entire election is a sign that our country is becoming mature. It would take us another 40 years to get there compeletely but we have come a long way.We have movements, forums, discussions on elections and have created an environment where the people of the country decide who they want in the government. They decide who do they want to see as a candidate and it is the people of the country who are urging others to come out and vote.
This election is a victory to all those like me who have been excited about turning 18 so that they can vote. It has shown a change and positive one turning the non believers into believers. Turning the 'oh am so cool to vote' into saying 'dot hai toh hot hai' turning the 'oh voting doesnt help' to 'i will vote next time'
It is a victory to the essence of democracy where people feel they have a say and can have their way, be it in the form of choosing a non elected person as a PM or choosing employment,housing,better life and peace over religion,region and caste.
It is a lesson to the politicians that the citizens of the country are aware and mature and have enough support from media,online forums,organisations and EC to help them elect their government. So Mr Advani too bad you dint realise for the second time what the people of the country are capable of....

my first step...

This is my first attempt at writing.I had never thought of myself to be good with words,had left that to other set of friends and used their words to express my ideas. But I realised that in today's world it is extremely important to have a virtual identity on the internet,in absence of which you are considered 'not arrived'. Iam generally a slow adopter,I created an account on orkut late,facebook when my friends left me with no other choice and now someone said 'do u tweet?' and I was wondering if that was some obscene word that I should know but not discuss and very reluctantly asked him what it was and he laughed in disbelief and told me that the the latest community is..tweeter..
All these experiences and so much of thoughts and ideas inside my head, which were getting too difficult for my brain to store along with all the important meeting dates, to do lists,the bills to be paid dates, is what prompted me to put down this heavy weight of ideas on this page..
I call myself the intermittent writer(not sure of the spelling) largely for two reasons 1) someone suggested and it sounded good 2) that I really am one and would like to use this as a forum to understand more about myself and thus the writing would largely come when the mind is full of unanswered questions.
I named the blog as my first step because it is my first step into a domain which to begin with was something I never thought was meant for me.This entire blogging experience will be my first time of flirting with writing.And like all first love of our lives I hope that my writing lasts forever and leaves me as a changed person...