Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Whose Life is it anyway?

Whose life is it anyway
Hve you ever wondered why elderly people are cynical and generally reflective in life and always have a piece of advice for the young generation. Yes it is because they have lot of time in hand but its also because they hope that the next generation doesnt do the same mistakes as they did. Yet, somehow history repeats itself. Lets say for instance in the case of marriage.
They say marriages are made in heaven but not in India.They were made at other people's weddings, in temples, kitty parties and mostly family function and off late on marriage websites. But whatever the mode of marriage be, the fundamental concept of marriage in India doesn't change- "We choose the person you would get married to!!"
I have heard so many ladies and even men boasting as to how they have raised their kids with lot of freedom. Their kids can go out late at night partying,the son can pursue hotel management and daughter can do MBA which never used to happen in their zamana. But one place where they are not given and should not be given freedom to decide is their own wedding.
Majority of men and women in our country are not happy in their marriage which is why you rarely see an elderly couple having a lengthy or sweet conversation. They are so sick and tired of each other that they would rather be with other toothless,hairless,eyesightless men than be with their wives!
But despite this it is the same set of people who will scream,shout cry,raise hell if you bring home a person of your choice and where you know that you would be happy with him/her for the rest of your life. Why? Dont ask me I really dont know. Maybe its jealousy or maybe that they are so moulded by the way things are done that they dont want to look at another alternative to life.
They eventually create so much chaos that you end up giving in and get married to a person of their choice than go through the screaming and shouting everyday. You are convinced that you will eventually be happy and that things will fall in place. But when they dont they dont give you your money back .
I wish marriages came with a guarantee card. If it breaks within the guarantee period you return the spouse and get another one.Or if not atleast should be insured that if it doesnt work, you can claim an amount from all those who got you into it in the first place.
I have seen and am still seeing the whole marriage frenzy around me and been forced to think about it without a choice coz I have been bombarded with it from left right and center and I have come to the conclusion that all Indian parents may differ in all other aspects of life but think alike when it comes to marriages. They still look at it as one milestone in their life which they need to get over with as soon as possible and ensure all stakeholders in the project are happy. But like a lot of other Indian projects forget to take voice of the customer before launching the project.
As a friend of mine once said " The two people who are the least important in a wedding are the bride and the groom". Be it to decide the menu or even the person to get married to, they are too young to decide.
Our parents go through the same thing everyday but tend to forget that marriages are not between two families but between two people. No one knows what happens between the couple once the bedroom door closes. No one knows that one would rather read a boring book than talk to the spouse.It is always about making a good impression and as long as you do that in front of your extended family your parents are happy.And that is the ultimate purpose of your life to make your parents happy!
History doesnt repeat itself because life doesnt have more things to offer but because our parents mould us into the same kind of life they have lived or are comfortable with and because we are not too strong enough to take our lives into our hands and for once decide to put an end to this.
Life will not come a full circle and maybe just continue to be a cluster of dots if we decide to take this life in our hands because afterall Whose life is it anyway?


  1. And you know what are the strangest instances you come across.... When even the guy does not have the balls to know what he wants but cares more for what his family wants!!!

  2. Marriages like other social relationships are subject to failure irrespective of who chooses the alliance. Only very few people really know how to make a marriage sucessful, most just rely on probability and fate. It does not matter if your parents choose a partner for you, or if you choose one because a end of the day you are still predicting the success of your relationship based upon very few parameters. The Indian social system of marriages is still highly sucessful when compared to the so called broadminded system in the west.